This Charter should be read at the start of every gathering by various members taking of turns. This is an abbreviated version of what's already listed on the Who We Are page.

OUR CHARTER

The purpose of Nicolai is to provide and foster a community of gay men who share common values, based upon the agreement that there are principles set in place that offer us a more rewarding, meaningful life.

Three Foundations

Although there are many lessons to be learned though psychology, Nicolai is founded on these basic principles.

1. AUTHENTICITY

We agree to live our lives in authenticity. Having our values and actions in alignment is so vital to our happiness, and only really comes with real internal and external honesty. We also recognize the difference between authenticity and transparency. Without the use of proper boundaries, we understand that total transparency could be damaging to others lives.  

2. BOUNDARIES

We agree to exercise good boundaries. We believe healthy boundaries (conversational, physical, sexual, social, and emotional) brings people together appropiately and fosters support and community. These boundaries involve Protection (how we allow others to treat us) and Containment (protecting others from ourselves).

3. RELATIONSHIPS

We agree to honor and revere relationships. In conversation and friendship we want to empower and support coupled relationships. We choose to perpetuate a safe environment for couples to gather without the fear of sexual advances. We also hope to provide a space for singles to find each other through an environment of like-minded values.

Two Agreements

1. We agree not to flirt while we meet. Our gatherings are not constructed to be a dating service. Although we encourage dating and all the flirting that goes along with it, we agree to take our flirting elsewhere. If you are single and meet someone else that’s single at an Nicolai gathering that catches your interest, pursue a get together outside of the walls of our gathering. We want this group to be a place to foster heartfelt and intellectual connections, and be a safe harbor for couples to come without being subjected to advances on either member. Let’s agree to keep the flirting elsewhere.
    
2. We agree never to confront anyone on their behavior at our gatherings.  None of us are perfect. During our pursuit of bettering our lives we will slip and make mistakes. It’s inevitable. But this group’s purpose is not to hold anyone to these principles, only encourage and give guidance and education on what these principles mean. If someone wants accountability they can find that offline with a friend, counselor or church. If a member of Nicolai feels a concern to address someone else’s actions or behaviors it should be outside of the walls of Nicolai. And the results of that conversation is that member’s responsibility. This also extends to mean we agree not to mistake Gatherings as confessionals. This could make some people very uncomfortable and appear boundary-less.